


The Mask of Hate

by vogue91



Category: Mou Ichido Kimi ni Propose
Genre: Hurt, Introspection, M/M, Realization, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-04-07 21:55:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14090496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: You’ve kept avoiding him when they came for lunch at your house, you’ve never spared bitter comments and not-so-subtle remarks on his inadequacy, you’ve never failed to show the venom that you felt running through your veins for him.And now, Yuki, what’s changed?





	The Mask of Hate

You hate him, don’t you?

You hate that man since the first time you’ve seen him, since Kanako has brought him home, since you’ve seen that happy look on your sister’s face.

And something clicked inside of you, something you’ve never been able to understand.

In the end you’ve classified as hate, and tried to make your peace with it.

You’ve kept avoiding him when they came for lunch at your house, you’ve never spared bitter comments and not-so-subtle remarks on his inadequacy, you’ve never failed to show the venom that you felt running through your veins for him.

And now, Yuki, what’s changed?

Now that your sister can’t remember him anymore, now that you’ve seen a ray of light in that same hatred, what do you really feel?

You’ve put to sleep those feelings five years ago, and you’ve done so because thinking about it would’ve actually been more complex, because had you dug deeper in what you felt any time you saw Haru you would’ve found out that the answer ‘hate’ was the easiest one, not necessarily the right on.

You’ve found out that somehow you liked that vague expression on Kanako’s face while looking at her husband, and that it wasn’t that you’ve always been jealous of your sister, but that after having despised him Haru so much you’ve realized what you really wanted were the same attentions he gave to her to be reserved to you.

And there you’ve started wavering, there you’ve started believing you were crazy, that you’ve thought you never wanted to see him again, that it was all his fault, when the problem has actually always been you.

And you’ve started thinking about him, and thinking about his hands touching you, undressing you, at how it would’ve felt having his body against your own, hearing his breath in your hear while he takes you, while he has sex with you, brutally, because you’re not a woman, you’re not delicate, there’s no risk for him to hurt you.

But even if he was to you’d stand it, wouldn’t you?

Because by now he’s become an obsession, and you hate having to stay and watch while he does everything he can to make your sister remember him, while all you’d want is for him to notice you, and all you feel behind those spiteful glances.

You wish you could tell him it’s not like that.

You really wish you could tell him what you feel and what you desire, but you knew you’ll never have such courage.

Because it’s not right, is it? Because you’re the man of the house and you’ve got responsibilities, because she’s your sister and, as much as she doesn’t remember him anymore, you’d feel like you’re betraying her.

What you’re doing is perhaps worse than an open betrayal, but you don’t know what to do differently.

You don’t want them back together, you couldn’t take it anymore, not with the awareness of what you feel.

You can’t tell Haru what you think, because you have clear in your mind his voice telling you that it would be impossible, you’ve got his rejection in your mind and his disgusted expression hearing something like this.

And so you stay in your shadow, because it’s where you’ve always been.

With a job that doesn’t satisfy you and a woman you don’t love, and in front of you just a void, because you can’t see a future.

You’re too young to be already this tired, and you know it’s just his fault.

That’s why you wake up the hatred you felt for him.

Because that hatred, somehow, makes you feel comfortable.

But you don’t hate him, not really.

Because you love him, don’t you Yuki?


End file.
